You'll be the Death of My Sanity
by deaths-master
Summary: vodemort and harry both meet a strange vampire named snake who greatly changes their lives, this leads to harry becoming evil and writting some weird letters to Vodemort
1. Chapter 1

**You'll be The Death of My Sanity **

**Chapter 1:** Letters and owl droppings

**(harry for some reason is allowed to do magic out side of school, this happens after order of the phoenix except for the fact that Sirius is not dead does not follow story pattern and things might be different then they should be after the order of the phoenix)**

So it was like this I woke up this morning in my extremely small room (by that I mean Dudleys old spare room) and I was feeling extremely bored and I still had three weeks left at the Dursleys, during my stay so far I hadn't received a single letter from the other two thirds of he golden trio not that I actually cared I had secretively disowned them as friends just before the holidays after finding out that they were being paid by Dumbledore (that stupid old git) to be my friends thankfully enough they hadn't know that I found this out. But on the plus side I met a very powerful vampire her name was Snake she was one of the ancients the truly immortal, she ended up turning me, and because she was an extremely powerful one I am still able to go into the sun but I do look a lot different then before. Oh and the most interesting thing was this letter I received from Luna, she suggested that I join Voldie and take over the world so I decided to do exactly that, I started by sending him a letter.

_Dear Snake Face,_

_I would like to inform you that I am now a vampire, a met an extremely powerful vampire named Snake who decided to turn me and I now have turned from the light side and have become pure evil. This morning one of my close friends suggested that I join forces with you and take over the world._

_I would like to meet you somewhere to discus this further. There should be some kind of password or code as you may not recognize me as I have changed quite a bit since I was turned._

_Respond soon _

_The Not So Golden Boy _

Not to long after I sent the letter a black owl swooped through my window (for some unknown reason one day my owl suddenly turned from pure white to pure black) I was surprised to receive a reply at all and so soon. A rolled up letter was tied to her leg when I removed it I noticed it had a serpent like seal around it. I went to examine it when I noticed a note attached the letter it read

_**TO OPEN SPEAK YOUR NAME IN PARCLEMOUTH **_so I did.

The serpent slowly unwound from the letter and then wound it's self around my wrist, the serpent was silver and it had Rubies for eyes it reminded me of the basilisk that I fought (I now regret killing the poor thing), I continued to just stare at it for a moment and then turned my attention to the letter, I opened it the writing reminded me of old English script so neat but so hard to read, the letter read

_To my archenemies, The Boy Who Won't Bloody Die_

_First I want to get this strait I am not a stinking snake face so don't call me that, I am currently in my 21 year old body so take that wonder boy._

_Anyway I got a bit sidetracked there, so you're a vampire now how fascinating. Hmmmm…I had a thought I wonder if this vampire Snake who helped me with the ritual for my transformation. Oh so you have suddenly turned evil that is unexpected._

_Hmmm… I'll arrange a meeting after you explain why you turned evil._

_Oh and tell your owl to do her business somewhere that isn't in my mansion otherwise I'm going to hex it into oblivion._

_Reply ASAP_

_Your Lord and Master (aka me)_

_P.S. The snake is a communication device say 'talk' in parceltounge and then speak but it only works if you speak in parceltounge so no one can understand you._

I again examined the serpent on my wrist and then I started to smirk from some information I had received from Severus, Voldie always has his Death Eater meetings at this time of night. So I decided to give Voldie I activated the snake nothing happened for a couple of seconds then it started to burn and it continued to burn until I could barely stand it I did everything to try and get it off but it wouldn't come off then it suddenly stopped. A few seconds later a note appeared on my table it read.

_**Sorry did I forget to mention that if you activate it with the intention of annoying me it will start to burn and it won't stop until u can barely stand the pain.**_

Voldie that git


	2. Surprise Visits

**Chapter 2: ****Surprise Visits**

**disclamier- now who actually think i would own this *sigh* i may be Dark Lord of the universe but i still dnt own harry potter, again *sigh* **

**sup everyone i'm snake i should've had a authors note last time but yeah anyway if u want to know this Snake charater is me and Noofle is one of my friend (who actaully reads these things other then me *manical laughing*) oh and i promise the next chapter will be bigger**

**Snakes Pov-**

I glanced at my watch noticing that there was still 10 minutes before I was needed at Big Ben so I found a deserted park bench and got out copies of the letters my two new how should I but it **a**ssociates had sent to each other ,their names for each other where quite amusing. I wouldn't be surprised if Tom figures out what im planning to do he has already figured out that I have made contact with both of them already, I wonder when he'll figure out that I have made it so that they both went out in public neither of them will be recognized I' m sure it wont take him long.

I checked my watch again and noticed that the show was about to start so I quickly got up and dissolved into the shadows. A second later I was at Big Ben I found a seat and looked up to the sky waiting. A moment later a bright ball of flames soared through the sky and crashed into the giant clock tower, I don't mean it crashed and skimmed the side of the tower it fully crashed in to the centre of the clock face. I sighed then put up muggle repelling charms so I wouldn't have to obliviate all of them after seeing that it was a UFO that had crashed into the tower.

I sighed again then levitated the poor being out of the space ship and laid her on the bench and waited for her to wake up. When she eventually did wake up she surprisingly enough she wasn't actually shocked that she had just crashed into the one of the most famous landmarks in the world.

"Umm… hi, I'm" she started

"Noofle yeah I know" I interrupted "I also know that you're a Fexxian a time travelling race from the planet Kylkoth"

She just stared at me blankly "How… how do you know"

"Long complex story all you need to know is it involves time travelling, getting really bored and deciding to screw up my own timeline" I replied while staring at something off in the background and smiling.

"So umm… are u good or evil" she said staring at me like I had just grown a new head

"Depending on who you're asking" I replied smirking

"Good enough for me" she said with an evil grin on her face

I handed her a vial with a transparent green liquid in it telling her to drink it and reassuring her that it wasn't poison just something to help her heal.

"You can still shape shift cant you I asked suddenly after a few seconds of awkward silence

"Yes why" she asked staring at me dumbly as I shifted in to a pure black wolf "Oh" she said before shifting to a Pure white wolf.

"Oh yeah you definitely don't stand out" I said telepathically "Follow me, Oh and by the way the names Snake" I added as I ran

**Voldemorts Pov: **

I finally gave up waiting for a reply from the bloody golden boy when I decided to Crucio Wormtail just as I had finished torturing him when that cursed excuse for an owl flew through the window and landed on the throne next to me. I grabbed the letter of its leg it read,

_Dear llama butt,_

_Fine if you really want to know I will tell you why I have gone evil, the first reason was Dummbles the old coot was manipulating me for his own gain he planned to kill me after I had defeated you, the second reason was that my two best friends weren't my friends at all they were being paid to befriend me, the third reason was that the stupid muggles who I was sadly enough living with treated me like a house elf to be exact it was the way that the Malfoys treat their house elves._

_There probably where some other reason why I turned but I cant think of them now. Oh and I also want to say WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THE SNAKE COMUNICATION BRACLET THIHNG, JUST BECAUSE I WANTED TO ANNOY YOU,YOU GO AND MAKE IT BURN ME!!!!!!!!!!._

_So yeah now will you arrange the meeting?_

_Cya,_

_My Royal Godliness (aka harry)_

As soon as I had finished the letter, a large bang which sounded a lot like my huge wooden mansion doors being hex open, I got up to investigate just as a hideously looking clown entered the meeting hall I was just about to use a Entrails-Expelling Curse on it when a large black wolf entered. The wolf suddenly shifted in to human form, vampire form to be exact.

"I wouldn't do that Tom if I was you" she said smiling

I stared at her dumfounded "Snake" was all I managed to say

**(a/n) plz R&R and i might just give u and explosive cookie**

**SNAKE**


	3. Various Drinks

**Chapter three:**** Various Drinks **

**A/N: HA take that Noof it over one thousand words and i finally updated**

**to every one else forgive any gramatical errors (including that) oh and please dnt kill me for taking three billion years to update and please r&r **

**p.s dnt trust men in white coats they have pointy silvery things that make you sleepy **

**any way to the story**

I had just got a copy of the most recent letter Harry had sent to Tom, as soon as I had seen that Harry had called Tom llama butt I had cracked up laughing, it was the most stupid insult that I had ever heard. After reading the letter, I decided that it was time for me to pay Tom a little visit.

I got there and did my thing with Noofle pretending to be a hideously ugly clown and me coming in just in time to stop Tom from casting an entrails-expelling curse that would have scattered her entrails across the newly polished floor (I really didn't want to clean that up). When we had finished not expelling Noofle's entrails all Tom could say, as he was my name.

"Ah Lord Voldemort do you know that you look like a fish" I said to him as he stood there with his mouth open

"Umm… sorry umm… wasn't expecting you" he replied

"Of course you weren't no one ever expects me, you should know that Tom." I said while laughing at him "Anyway I said turning to Noofle "Noofle this is Lord Voldemort he is a friend of mine."

"Umm… hi nice to meet you Lord Voldemort." Noofle said nervously

"Same to you," he replied, "Oh and call me Tom," he said leading us towards the seating room "do you need anything," he asked calling Binkey one of his many house elves

"Umm… I'll have blood thanks" I answered "Noofle?"

After staring blankly at me for about five minutes Noofle managed to say" Do you have any V, otherwise I'll have a Banana Daiquiri, thanks."

Tom replied saying, "I don't know about the V but I definitely know that we can get you a Banana Daiquiri." He turned to Noofle.

"Yeah that's fine." Noofle answered, "I'm fine with anything." She said smiling

Tom turned to the house elf that had just appeared, "One Banana daiquiri, one chocolate thick shake and a glass of fresh blood please." The elf bowed and disappeared with a large pop.

"So Snake what brings you here this horrible evening" he sighed as he said the second half of the sentence me while taking a glance out the window the view outside was quit nice we where in the middle of a lightning storm the rain was so heavy so could not see anything outside of the window other then the occasional flashes of lightning or the bright flashes as thunder bird flew around the mansions grounds enjoying the storm outside.

"Tom what's wrong with the weather I think it's quite nice." Laughing as I said this, I've always know he hated the rain and most of the time when he mentions how horrible it is I have to laugh at the fact that he is a Evil dark Lord who hate s gloomy weather.

"Don't you dare bring that up." He growled knowing that I was about to make fun of him I continued to laugh at him

"So down to business then." He said ignoring what happened only moments ago.

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" I replied still laughing

"Well I'm not Jack am I" he quickly retorted

"No your not are you, you're the big scary evil dark lord" he stared at me as if he was trying to murder me wit h his eyes

"So are you going to properly introduce us" Noofle quickly added noticing the tension growing between the both of us, I turned to her thankfully.

"Oh umm yes" I replied just remembering that I hadn't properly introduced them yet. "Tom this is Noofle, Noofle this is Tom. Noofle is a time traveling shape shifting alien known as a Fexxian; she is from the planet Kylkoth. Tom is an evil dark wizard lord bent on killing everyone. Oh and Noofle just arrived under an hour ago completely destroying Big Ben while trying t land."

"Hay I didn't see it." Snapped Noofle

"Well nice to officially meet you" he was still glaring at me "Hmmm… Kylkoth I heard that's quite a nice planet, I haven't been there yet but I'm planning to."

Noof still angry with me, decided to completely ignore me and continued her conversation with Tom "No it's my pleasure, and Kylkoth is quite a nice planet if you like burning, killing and maiming, which clearly you do." She laughed "Oh and im glad you're not completely freaked out with me being an alien."

"You'd be surprised how many aliens we get here Snake seems to attract them all." He was still holding a grudge against me "anything else"

"Yeah what's up with Snake and the blood?" she said pointing at me

"Well" he stopped for a second "Snake here is an annoyingly serious part, that's what's up with the blood.

"Don't make me turn your robes into a pink tutu and call all your death eaters to see you , Riddle," I growled, "Because I will you know I will."

"So what's actually up with the blood" Noof turned to be obviously talking to me again

"Well" I replied "You see im a extremely old vampire, that is the reason I need blood, and because of ,y age I am extremely powerful and am prone to spontaneous moments of insanity."

Tom coughed "Moments of insanity, sure" he continued, "when aren't you insane."

"Hmmm… true, true" I commented Noof just stared at me for a moment then shock her head

"Umm cool" she said "oh and is it all ways like this with you too."

"Pretty much yes, except in front of the death eaters ." he sighed, "We better actually get down to business now."

"Yeah we should" I replied back

Noof quickly rain out of the room for some reason before running back in and saying that she would rather roam the mansion then listen to us actually talk seriously, before she completely disappeared I yelled out to her to please not get drunk all she did was laugh

"So why did you come" tom started

"Well recently you started conversing with a new acquaintance of mine, what have you discovered from these letters."

"Well first you have made it so both me and harry can go out in public with out either of us being recognized by people who don't know us overly well, and you have also made it so harry's goals are quite similar."

"Well done." I congratulated him

"But why" he asked

"Why did you start the wizard war." He answered with because 'I was bored' after about three minutes of thinking "Well that's why I did this." After letting this set in I asked him to arrange a meeting with Harry, and told him not to tell Harry that they would have company.

* * *

**Rember R&R other wise the men in the white coats will come after me Please Dnt Let Them PLEASE**

**Thanks, Snake**


End file.
